Just fell off a train. Bad.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
