I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I believe in your delicious
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?