Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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