Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
