this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
