Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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