so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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