My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
