why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize