Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
