Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
