and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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