this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
