You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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