Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
