I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
