note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
soo... how was my night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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