How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
