you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
