Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
