i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
