my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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