this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
