I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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