chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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