im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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