i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
