Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
