I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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