I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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