My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
