Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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