I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize