So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
