I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
