Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
