nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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