oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
