shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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