Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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