it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
