The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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