READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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