what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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