Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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