is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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