I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
