there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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