I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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