Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize