I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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