The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
