and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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