i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
