All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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