OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
