I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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