Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
