All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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