Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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