my phone needs a breathalizer
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
