He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
