I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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