Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
