There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
