It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize