separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
