Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
