You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
