their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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