Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
