you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
