AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
