i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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