I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
