he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
