Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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