Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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