so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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