Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
