if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
