Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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