so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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