Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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