I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
